A boy and a dog

Many years ago my family brought home a guide dog flunky named Buddy, a gentle loving dog who will tolerate all kinds of activity, especially from children. I have never had the time to tap into his therapeutic powers (except for our family of course.) Now that little E is in my life, I am putting Buddy to work.

I asked my African friends how they felt about dogs. They told me they had not had good encounters with dogs. Police dogs had chased them and kept them inside the camps while wild dogs had terrorized them and been used in guerilla attacks. Many dogs were used to hunt or contain livestock. They are not used to the fuzzy, loving pets that we keep in our homes.

Gingerly I brought Buddy out to meet the children. The adults stayed in doors and looked out the window. Little E was the one who bridged the gap. He smiled and explosively yelled out “Dock.” He leaned forward and kissed Buddy, and of course Buddy kissed him back.  
The other kids came around and trust was established. One of the men came out and joined in the gathering.

E was then able to snuggle with Buddy and laugh and just be happy.

No one was afraid of Buddy after that.

To people on the outside it appears that E is severely handicapped and unable to communicate.

From my perspective, I see someone who is longing to get his voice heard and look people in the eye. His Mom knows …….. and Buddy knows.

"Dock"

B and C

No surprise that Baby C's first utterance was "BBBBBB." She would follow Bea around like a mother duck playing with the sound B. Now she points to any letter she sees and sings "ABC" at the top of her lungs. She is learning so fast. As soon as she sees Bea, she picks up a book and shoves it towards her.

Bea's major job is to teach C to read and learn sounds properly. She is also supposed to keep her from missing Mommy too much while she is in church services. They are completely bonded.

Finding your identity at 14 is a challenge. Bea is funny, beautiful and has so many friends. She is a good friend and loves to make people laugh. She has an energy that cannot be explained.
As her mother, I often marvel at her effect on people.
Channeling that energy into blessings is the task most teenagers face. To me, blessings are providing service above what is convenient and making connections that allow another to thrive and feel secure. Getting outside the world of me and looking at we. We cannot turn our backs on those who we can support. In our school, our neighborhood, and our city there are so many ways to serve.

The IRC is an agency that has allowed me and my children to interact with the world in a way that is educational and community oriented. Helping others to adjust and find secure lives is a powerful experience.
So Bea and C mean so much. A teenager who loves to text and be with friends and a baby from another world who will be the hope and light for her family. Both are a light to me.

A snack at Decatur Presbyterian childcare.

A nap after snack. Bea is good at that.

C's favorite new word.... she -shoe

let me teach you how to text

I love you Bea

I could stay here all day

A Church Picnic

Decatur Presbyterian is just a nice place to be.
I haven't been to a lot of churches, but this place is just nice.
The pastors are nice, the people are nice and the setting in downtown Decatur is just downright nice.
Since Mama N has started attending church at DPC, our circle of friends has grown and I can honestly say, life is much better.
We attended a barbecue on the lawn where we met new and old friends. The pastor allowed us a photo op and some of us (guess who) were covered in barbq sauce.

Our closest friends at church are Pastor Hughes, Julieanne,  Angie, Sue,  Erin, Jan and Greg, Sue Ann, Annalisa, and Laura. They have provided clothing, toys, an amazing stroller, English lessons and most of all love. They all want the best for this African family.

Perhaps you take those blowup bouncy things at birthday parties for granted but it was quite a site for Mama N and little E. There was a giant one on the church lawn and I had the bright idea of taking Eric in and playing with him. Its been a long time since I have been in one of those things and I forgot how over stimulated kids can be in there. Oh well- I did not want to deprive little E of his first real life American ADHD inducing activity, so in we went.

All of a sudden the little things in life become the big things.

Tie One On

If you know me...... you know I love babies. I work with babies, I read about babies and I take every opportunity to hold babies. One thing I love learning is about how mothers and babies interact with each other. I love the way African mothers tie their babies to their backs and you never hear a peep from them.

When Baby C fusses, on the back she goes tied on with any number of garments. Mama uses baby blankets, scarves, head wraps, gee..... I think I even saw her use a garbage bag once.

Baby C goes right to sleep. I simply love the way they do that!!!!!!!!!

Easter Bunnies

 On Easter Sunday, we all dressed up and headed to Decatur Presbyterian. It was a special day, where the church was packed and there was a cross on the lawn. The cross was to be filled with fresh flowers from the congregation. A beautiful tradition. Our little Easter Bunnies got to put flowers up and received baskets of chocolates from Julianne's beautiful girls Kathryn and Audrey.

Little C, all dressed in pink, got hold of a piece of chocolate and would not let go. Gradually it became an oozing mass which when pried out of her hand caused a 2 year old fit like I have not seen in a long time.
Some things are universal.
Mama N was carried off with the crowd to the service, leaving me with  a stroller, 2 easter baskets and two chocolate covered children to take to daycare.
Once we were cleaned up, I sat Little E and C in a large chair and what happened next made all of us in the childcare center a little emotional. E started hugging and loving his sister with the most tender kisses and hugs. Now for someone who has very little control of his body, he showed incredible intention to maintain a gentle grasp on his sister. But believe me, that feisty girl was not to be held for long.

DeQuavius meets the Africans

Sometimes after church,
we go to McDonalds for lunch.
Mama N orders a poulet sandwich, bouef(beef) for the little ones and fanta orange for all.
This family loves fanta orange. As a matter of fact, when we met some others from Central Republique, they loved fanta orange too.
Little E eats his hamburger in small pinches and loves fries (uh oh) and Little C loves fries and vanilla ice cream.
Once the toy was discovered in the happy meal....... Little E almost came out of his stroller.
Now that's where DeQuavius comes in. He is the handsome and geuinely friendly manager at McDonalds. He took a likin' to our friends and had all kinds of questions.
Where were they from, how long have they been here, and do they like hamburgers?
He said... They are so beautiful....
And they are.

Little E discovers the Happy in Happy Meal

He gave us a bunch of extra toys for the road

Me and Bea go to church

Finding a spiritual home for our African friends has been a journey in itself.
 In talking with Mama N and reviewing family photos it was revealed that Mama N is a Presbyterian and attended church regularly in Africa. Many vans pass through her apartment complex picking people up for church. She let them all pass and seemed to be waiting for the right place. I wrote to churches in her behalf. No one answered. I wrote to my friends asking for a Presbyterian church that we could visit. I got an answer from a very dear one. Julianne invited us to Decatur Presbyterian and off we went one Sunday morning in March.

We must have been quite a sight. A Jewish woman with her texting red-headed teen, Mama in full African dress with a baby tied on and Little E over my shoulder fighting to get a look at all that surrounded him.
The church bells rang as we exited my beat up old truck and the look Mama N had was faraway.
Her eyes glazed, mouth open........ memories flooding. This was the fabric that was going to hold her together. A place to feel prayer and hope for her family. Her disabled boy, the family she left behind, her beautiful baby girl could become part of a new world where she would find love and support.
Of course I was an emotional mess and Bea, well she took it all in.
It took about 5 minutes to realize that Little E and baby C were not going to sit quietly in the pews. We left Mama N with Julianne and schleped over to the childcare.
Thats another story in itself...........

Stand up Little E

Little E spends a lot of time on the floor. He cannot hold his body up and he desperately wants to interact with the world.
I remembered from my work that there is a place where they fix old rehab equipment called Friends of Disabled Children and Adults. I called and asked if I could get a stander, a walker, and an adapted bike.
These folks are not only providing an incredible service, but the warmth in which they provided me with support was another overwhelming emotional moment for me.
They called me to pick up a stander and waitlisted me for the rest of the stuff.

I loaded up the stander in my truck with the help of two charming gentleman, one in a chair himself.

Maria and I hoisted Little E into the stander and placed a desk with toys on top in front of him. Sheer delight and time for play. We could not stay long enough. He loved it. Thanks to Bea and Molly for keeping the little one busy so we could work with E.

Adding her own form of stimulation, winding up the children into a frenzy that only Bea could create!!!!

Puree is a French word

Feeding our children is something we all take for granted. They sip or bite and swallow without much thought. But when you have a neuromuscular disorder, chewing and biting are an issue. Teaching a feeding technique that provides nutrition to our little boy friend has become an important goal for us. One of my dear Sagamore friends gave me a Target card for our African family so I went straight away to buy a  blender.

Momma N understood quickly how to puree a can of Chef Boyardee and there were lots of happy sounds from Little E as we fed him the orange mess.

The best part was he swallowed every bit. The hardest part was we still have to hold his jaw and it takes a while to get it all in. Little E is happy to have the attention, but on a busy morning, I expect he only will get half fed.
Also,  I had my best buddy, Will outside playing with the rest of the gang so we were undisturbed.
Once the kids came flyin' in for water, Momma N and I were covered in orange puree.
Picked up lots of Pediasure to supplement the calories and he does seem to be growing.
Everyone is consistently laughing more, which must be a sign from heaven that these guys are gonna make it.

Will doin his thing

Gotta hand it to Will, he knows how to make fast friends. He brought all the boys baseball caps and taught them how to putt golfballs in the greasy parking lot. He was able to keep his eye on baby C and 3 year old L while simultaneously doing several sports lessons at once. He truly is one of my best friends. I admire him so much. I guess he became a multi tasker by trying to keep up with his parents and sisters who never sleep and are maniacs most of the time.






Will is a 13 year old artist, film maker, musician, great friend and a wonderful son. When you meet him, he will tell you being a teenage boy is not so easy. The world has a lot of expectations and pressures. But when I watched him leading these children with compassion and care, I knew he was building confidence in a way no one can teach.

Helpers

Bea has gathered some of her friends (Molly and Caroline) to join us on our visits to our African families' apartment. They are very compassionate and spend their time focused on teaching and playing with the kids. Caroline's brother sent over some sports clothing for the gaggle of 9 year old boys that act as interpreters for me at times. Molly promises candy to the boys and they always hold her to it.

Slippery

READ TO ME

Molly teaches English

I had a special friend join me today. She is a kind, loving compassionate young woman who would like to be a physical therapist. She is at GSU studying biology and I met her at the children's hospital during her observation time. She is a natural caregiver and shows true potential in her ability to pick up information quickly and use it to help others.

Use your muscles little bunny

You make us lugh

Today we played with E and gave him some exercise time. We were able to show mom how to play with E on a ball to improve his strength. We all laughed and E started hopping forward like a little rabbit. He is so adorable. Bea played with little C on the couch until someone poured a coke on some other kids head. Thats when I sent all the big kids to play outside so we could get something done.

Lets play with Bea's old toys

Outside

No car seat and a mouthful of meat

When you work with refugee families , you set the bar at a different level. Not necessarily higher or lower. Just different. I would like to advocate for E's (will call little boy this name to protect his privacy) medical needs but because of HIPAA and other privacy acts, I am having a tough time finding out what doctors he actually sees. I did find out the name of his Pediatrician and obtained a release of information to take to his mom which she signed for me.
When I arrived at her apartment she was walking out the door carrying E with little C (his sister) running after her. He saw me and produced a giant grin allowing a huge bolus of meat to fall out of his mouth. So here is where I am trying to help. Now this may seem gross to you, but when you work with kids with neuromuscular impairments you learn that many have difficulty eating, which is the case with E. He holds onto food sometimes not able to completely chew it. He needs speech therapy and has had some test which showed that he indeed needs therapy but I do not know if he is getting it or who the therapist is. I alerted the refugee agency of my concerns and will continue to try to help by teaching some of the feeding techniques I know from my work.
The other thing that worried me today was that they were all piling in a small car with a friend to go to the bank and there was only one car seat and 3 small children. Oy. I can only imagine the scene at the bank when E allowed more meat to come oozing out of his mouth like a noodle making machine.
So now I am on the hunt for the car seats that they need, the doctors or clinics he attends and any other information that will help keep this family healthy and out of the emergency room.

One problems is..........emergency rooms don't take too kindly to kids being carried around without car seats and wads of unswallowed food in your kids mouth. You get the gist.

Our Journey begins

Exercises

learning to love and read

This diary is titled for my girls who show great compassion to those in need. To fulfill our ongoing craving to give back to our world and give thanks for all the gifts we have, we have once again volunteered to be a family mentor for the International Rescue Committee.

I first met the family at the children's hospital where I saw a frightened mom with a baby tied on her back pushing a stroller.  The boy was beautiful and revealed his neuromuscular impairment when he tried to shake my hand.   His smile lit up the room and I was attached before I could take the next breath.

They were accompanied by an IRC worker who told me they recently came from a refugee camp in Cameroon. They live in Clarkston and the mom is here without family or significant other.

I spoke with my girls and they expressed interest in providing support to the family.

We met them at their apartment and started to connect immediately. We converse in my broken french and are using simple books to teach English.

The highlight is playing outside in the neighborhood where kids often join us while we set up games and make chalk pictures. I spend a bit of my time helping the little boy with his exercises and showing mom different techniques for feeding him.

I have visited several times more trying to piece together her story and how her little one became impaired.

Thank you for following us as this relationship blossoms. The visits are always bittersweet as there is plenty of laughter with Bea chasing kids around the parking lot. But knowing that they left everyone and everything behind, and under duress........ these are not happy thoughts

beautiful mom and baby